Monday, September 05, 2011

The Fat Girl Guidebook: Edition 1

I often have thoughts, call it a persecution complex if you like, that the world is against fat people. Fat women in particular. Below are some observations I have made over the past few weeks that support my theory.

1. Fashion
Every woman knows that few women actually fit into Small, Medium and Large. So to help us out, they invented Extra Small and Extra Large. They (and I'm talking "fashion designers" here) decided that we're too dumb to pick out a size, so they created One Size Fits All. In recent years this size has changed to One Size Fits Most. Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm not "normal"!

Ok, now let's talk Plus Size. Now I'm not one to get into political correctness here, but Plus what? Plus a few pounds? Plus a few chins? Plus a few rolls in the middle? I guess it's better than Fat size, Obese size, or as I call it, Tent size.

Sometimes I wonder if the people who make Plus Size fashion (and I use that term loosely) have ever seen a large woman. It is NOT as simple as taking a cute piece of clothing from the smaller sizes and making it bigger. There are special considerations here, folks. No horizontal stripes. No poofy anything. No short skirts. (I'll get into the feminine sexual revolution at another time.)

There have been advances made in Plus Size clothing in the past 10 years, namely for the teen-young adult who finds herself in XXL territory. Welcome the Junior Plus section! YAY! Let me tell you how glad I am that someone figured out that 15-year-olds don't want to be wearing leaf or nautical print to school. And thank you for naming it something cool (ish.) When I was around 10, JCPenney had a cataolg called Big Kids. Yes. Yes they did.

2. Chairs with Arms
Why? Why does my chair need arms? If I'm at a restaurant, do I need to rest my arms? Heck no! They're busy transporting my food. Let me see a raise of hands if you've ever sat in a chair with arms, then stood up, taking the chair with you! Come on, be honest!

3. Public restrooms with toilets that stick out from the wall
Oh man, these suckers freak me out! I'm SO scared that I'm going to break one right off the wall. And it can be done, I know a lady who did. I've sat on one and heard it creak. Nope, you just can't relax after that. I've patented a way to hover over those stupid toilets that not only gets the job done, but gives me an awesome quad and tricep workout at the same time. I'm considering compiling a list of establishments with wall hung toilets. Curse you Kohl's!

Coming soon in Edition 2:
Airplane seats, turn stiles, and toilet stalls so small you have to stand over the toilet to shut the door.

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