The Fashion Police have been on patrol and it's time for more intervention, fat-girl style!
1. Muffin Tops. Unfortunately you don't even have to be a fat girl to achieve this little beauty. The first problem is your pants are too tight. The second problem is that you're getting low-cut pants that are bi-secting your butt into Upper and Lower regions, the Upper being the Muffin phenomenon. The third problem is that you pair this combo with a tight shirt that emphasizes the Muffin area. The fourth problem is that you think this looks good. The fifth problem is that there apparently isn't anyone in your world who has the chutzpa to tell you that you look ridiculous.
2. I said in the last Fat Girl post that I'd discuss Bra Size, but that may be too personal an argument. All I have to say is: Get Professionally Fitted! If you can't breathe, it's too small!
3. Plus Size Footwear. Yes, there is such a thing. I have found over the past few years a nice selection of Plus Size Socks, Plus Size Boots, and the famous Plus Size Pantyhose. Queen Size is so 1995.
At first I scoffed at the idea of Plus Size socks. But after paying better attention to the growing "Cankle" epidemic, I now see that it is needed. There is nothing more frustrating than buying a new pair of socks only to find they won't stay up your leg. And old-fashioned sock-garters are no longer an option. And Thank You to whoever invented Plus Size Knee Highs! I may have lost both legs at the knee by now if it weren't for you!
For my final thought, I'm considering a mentoring program for Fat Girls. If someone recently found herself in this area, or if she's been denying it for years, she needs a proper initiation into the Fat Girls Club. I attended a meeting yesterday and sat behind a, well, Fat Girl who needed a little help. Not only did she break a few of my cardinal Fat Girl rules (No clingy fabrics!) but she also needed basic make-up and hygiene assistance (Can we say dandruff shampoo?) If I had a mentoring program started, I could have introduced myself, given her my card, and given her the tools to access a network of other experienced Fat Girls to help guide her to greater self-confidence and a snazzy new hairstyle (Which she so desperately needed!)
*I do hope you, dear readers, can feel the sarcasm through your mouse. I know I am no Fashion Maven, nor do I think myself particularly fashionable. However, I do know what looks good and what makes me cringe, and will exercise my right to express my opinions freely.
Showing posts with label fashion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fashion. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, September 05, 2011
The Fat Girl Guidebook: Edition 1
I often have thoughts, call it a persecution complex if you like, that the world is against fat people. Fat women in particular. Below are some observations I have made over the past few weeks that support my theory.
1. Fashion
Every woman knows that few women actually fit into Small, Medium and Large. So to help us out, they invented Extra Small and Extra Large. They (and I'm talking "fashion designers" here) decided that we're too dumb to pick out a size, so they created One Size Fits All. In recent years this size has changed to One Size Fits Most. Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm not "normal"!
Ok, now let's talk Plus Size. Now I'm not one to get into political correctness here, but Plus what? Plus a few pounds? Plus a few chins? Plus a few rolls in the middle? I guess it's better than Fat size, Obese size, or as I call it, Tent size.
Sometimes I wonder if the people who make Plus Size fashion (and I use that term loosely) have ever seen a large woman. It is NOT as simple as taking a cute piece of clothing from the smaller sizes and making it bigger. There are special considerations here, folks. No horizontal stripes. No poofy anything. No short skirts. (I'll get into the feminine sexual revolution at another time.)
There have been advances made in Plus Size clothing in the past 10 years, namely for the teen-young adult who finds herself in XXL territory. Welcome the Junior Plus section! YAY! Let me tell you how glad I am that someone figured out that 15-year-olds don't want to be wearing leaf or nautical print to school. And thank you for naming it something cool (ish.) When I was around 10, JCPenney had a cataolg called Big Kids. Yes. Yes they did.
2. Chairs with Arms
Why? Why does my chair need arms? If I'm at a restaurant, do I need to rest my arms? Heck no! They're busy transporting my food. Let me see a raise of hands if you've ever sat in a chair with arms, then stood up, taking the chair with you! Come on, be honest!
3. Public restrooms with toilets that stick out from the wall
Oh man, these suckers freak me out! I'm SO scared that I'm going to break one right off the wall. And it can be done, I know a lady who did. I've sat on one and heard it creak. Nope, you just can't relax after that. I've patented a way to hover over those stupid toilets that not only gets the job done, but gives me an awesome quad and tricep workout at the same time. I'm considering compiling a list of establishments with wall hung toilets. Curse you Kohl's!
Coming soon in Edition 2:
Airplane seats, turn stiles, and toilet stalls so small you have to stand over the toilet to shut the door.
1. Fashion
Every woman knows that few women actually fit into Small, Medium and Large. So to help us out, they invented Extra Small and Extra Large. They (and I'm talking "fashion designers" here) decided that we're too dumb to pick out a size, so they created One Size Fits All. In recent years this size has changed to One Size Fits Most. Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm not "normal"!
Ok, now let's talk Plus Size. Now I'm not one to get into political correctness here, but Plus what? Plus a few pounds? Plus a few chins? Plus a few rolls in the middle? I guess it's better than Fat size, Obese size, or as I call it, Tent size.
Sometimes I wonder if the people who make Plus Size fashion (and I use that term loosely) have ever seen a large woman. It is NOT as simple as taking a cute piece of clothing from the smaller sizes and making it bigger. There are special considerations here, folks. No horizontal stripes. No poofy anything. No short skirts. (I'll get into the feminine sexual revolution at another time.)
There have been advances made in Plus Size clothing in the past 10 years, namely for the teen-young adult who finds herself in XXL territory. Welcome the Junior Plus section! YAY! Let me tell you how glad I am that someone figured out that 15-year-olds don't want to be wearing leaf or nautical print to school. And thank you for naming it something cool (ish.) When I was around 10, JCPenney had a cataolg called Big Kids. Yes. Yes they did.
2. Chairs with Arms
Why? Why does my chair need arms? If I'm at a restaurant, do I need to rest my arms? Heck no! They're busy transporting my food. Let me see a raise of hands if you've ever sat in a chair with arms, then stood up, taking the chair with you! Come on, be honest!
3. Public restrooms with toilets that stick out from the wall
Oh man, these suckers freak me out! I'm SO scared that I'm going to break one right off the wall. And it can be done, I know a lady who did. I've sat on one and heard it creak. Nope, you just can't relax after that. I've patented a way to hover over those stupid toilets that not only gets the job done, but gives me an awesome quad and tricep workout at the same time. I'm considering compiling a list of establishments with wall hung toilets. Curse you Kohl's!
Coming soon in Edition 2:
Airplane seats, turn stiles, and toilet stalls so small you have to stand over the toilet to shut the door.
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