To begin my Llama story, I must set the scene. In college those of us in choir would forfeit our spring break to go on tour to Cumberland Presbyterian churches throughout the Midwest and South. Each year we went a different direction. This year was 1999. The location was just outside Houston, Texas.
While on tour we couldn't afford hotel rooms for all the choristers, so we stayed with members of the churches where we performed. This led to some interesting sleeping arrangements, and some creepy dinner conversations!
Anyway, on this particular evening we were in Houston, and there was a church member, Chet, who said he could house 6 ladies. Not as lecherous as it sounds, one of the ladies in the choir grew up with him, and he had a HUGE house! He also had a ranch, with all kinds of neat animals, including pygmy goats, horses, a kangaroo named Cassidy, and a Llama. Not just any llama, an abused llama!
Apparently the llama belonged to a friend of Chet's, and the rotten neighbor boys would throw rocks at the poor llama. Thus, the llama has developed a fear of humans, but Chet said we'd be fine as long as we didn't look the llama in the eye.
After we finished petting the goats, trying to get the kangaroo to come close enough to touch, and riding horses (Valiente, as I recall) we were leaving the corral. I felt hot breath on the back of my neck and someone yelled "Huffy! Don't move!" Well, nothing makes you want to run like the dickens as much as someone telling you not to move. Slowly I turned my head. It was the llama. We had been ignoring him (maybe her, I just assumed a deranged llama was male) all night, and now he (or she) was ready for revenge.
I began tip-toeing my way back to the gate, being extra careful not to look back and especially not look the llama in the eye. Just as I got halfway to the gate, the llama lunges forward and catches me just behind my right ear. I scream and run for the gate. Another choir member who was also in the corral just froze. The llama then went to her and grabbed a mouthful of her hair. Somewhere there is a picture of the llama with long, blond hair hanging from its mouth.
I made it through the gate, but yet another choir member, who was nice enough to open the gate for me so I didn't have to jump it like an Olympic High-jumper ( and I think I just might have, if necessary) was on the receiving end of a classic llama "raspberry." Be careful, they spit!
I don't have a scar or any nightmares about ravenous llamas, but I sure don't trust them either. It's just a nice story that few folks can share. I've yet to find another survivor of a llama attack. If you know of a support group, be sure to give them my name!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Toilet Dreams
Catchy title huh? Makes you want to click on it. But no, really, I've been having dreams about toilets. Read on.
Early this morning I had a recurring dream...maybe not exactly recurring, but the theme is recurring. I've had similar dreams for, oh, maybe a few years now. In the dream I'm in a public restroom, locker room, some kind of bathroom. Last night was in the old Jasper Grade School restroom, with 3 stalls. However, the stalls were all busy, so I had to use the one toilet that was out in the open, no stall. Now, no such toilet exists, but I move on.
I've had many such dreams in the past, all with me really needing to use a toilet, and none with privacy are available, so I think "This won't take long, I'll just use this one with no stall. No one will see me." And invariably someone sees me, barging in the room. This morning it was a bunch of guys raiding the girls' restroom.
I don't have my dream interpretation books here at home, they're all at work, but an online dream dictionary I just consulted said "To see a toilet in your dream symbolizes a release of emotions. You need to get rid of something in your life that is useless." Hmmmm. Who, I mean what, could that be?
I also often dream of stairs, but of staircases that lead to a blank wall, or the stairs end with the door or the rest of the floor a few feet away, meaning I need to jump to continue my journey.
So what does it all mean? Am I crazy? Nope. My personal and professional opinion is that our brain regurgitates every night, throwing little bits and pieces of memory, movie, book, and vision into a beautifully grotesque potpourri of meaningless scenes.
I try to remember my dreams. As soon as I wake I try to recall every little detail I can. I don't go so far as to write them down, as I did in college for a psych class assignment. But I do try to remember them, and eerily enough often have a sense of deja vu. Do you deja vu too?
Oh dreams. Aren't they fun?
Early this morning I had a recurring dream...maybe not exactly recurring, but the theme is recurring. I've had similar dreams for, oh, maybe a few years now. In the dream I'm in a public restroom, locker room, some kind of bathroom. Last night was in the old Jasper Grade School restroom, with 3 stalls. However, the stalls were all busy, so I had to use the one toilet that was out in the open, no stall. Now, no such toilet exists, but I move on.
I've had many such dreams in the past, all with me really needing to use a toilet, and none with privacy are available, so I think "This won't take long, I'll just use this one with no stall. No one will see me." And invariably someone sees me, barging in the room. This morning it was a bunch of guys raiding the girls' restroom.
I don't have my dream interpretation books here at home, they're all at work, but an online dream dictionary I just consulted said "To see a toilet in your dream symbolizes a release of emotions. You need to get rid of something in your life that is useless." Hmmmm. Who, I mean what, could that be?
I also often dream of stairs, but of staircases that lead to a blank wall, or the stairs end with the door or the rest of the floor a few feet away, meaning I need to jump to continue my journey.
So what does it all mean? Am I crazy? Nope. My personal and professional opinion is that our brain regurgitates every night, throwing little bits and pieces of memory, movie, book, and vision into a beautifully grotesque potpourri of meaningless scenes.
I try to remember my dreams. As soon as I wake I try to recall every little detail I can. I don't go so far as to write them down, as I did in college for a psych class assignment. But I do try to remember them, and eerily enough often have a sense of deja vu. Do you deja vu too?
Oh dreams. Aren't they fun?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Things that have annoyed me today
1. My waitress at lunch called me "hun." Repeatedly.
2. My office was so cold I could have cut hogs and hung meat.
3. The dirty dishes on my kitchen counter did not spontaneously wash themselves. grrrr.
4. I really want a pizza, but am trying to cut back.
5. I looked fabulous today in my sequined top, and no one complimented me.
6. I could have taken a hair appointment this morning, but didn't think I should take the time off work.
7. Co-workers down the hall who talk to so loudly I know every detail of their personal lives. Even with my door shut.
8. I think my rare, undiagnosable nasal condition is coming back. (Earlier this summer I went to 2 doctors, one a sepcialist, and they both shrugged their shoulders, but were happy to prescribe anti-biotics, just in case.)
9. Gas price went down 10 cents since I filled up yesterday.
10. I didn't get to go walking after work.
10 Things I'm grateful for:
1. I have the ability to read and write.
2. I have free speech to voice my complaints.
3. I have a home.
4. I have a dog who sometimes loves me.
5. I have family and friends who always love me.
6. I have faith that God is always with me, never leaving me nor forsaking me.
7. If I really want a pizza, I have both the means and the money to go buy one. :)
8. I can access medical care, though I may have to make payments for the rest of my natural life.
9. I am healthy enough to walk to the kitchen and wash my dishes, even though I really don't want to.
10. I have a job.
*Note* It took twice as long to think of blessings as it did complaints.
Have you counted your blessings lately?
2. My office was so cold I could have cut hogs and hung meat.
3. The dirty dishes on my kitchen counter did not spontaneously wash themselves. grrrr.
4. I really want a pizza, but am trying to cut back.
5. I looked fabulous today in my sequined top, and no one complimented me.
6. I could have taken a hair appointment this morning, but didn't think I should take the time off work.
7. Co-workers down the hall who talk to so loudly I know every detail of their personal lives. Even with my door shut.
8. I think my rare, undiagnosable nasal condition is coming back. (Earlier this summer I went to 2 doctors, one a sepcialist, and they both shrugged their shoulders, but were happy to prescribe anti-biotics, just in case.)
9. Gas price went down 10 cents since I filled up yesterday.
10. I didn't get to go walking after work.
10 Things I'm grateful for:
1. I have the ability to read and write.
2. I have free speech to voice my complaints.
3. I have a home.
4. I have a dog who sometimes loves me.
5. I have family and friends who always love me.
6. I have faith that God is always with me, never leaving me nor forsaking me.
7. If I really want a pizza, I have both the means and the money to go buy one. :)
8. I can access medical care, though I may have to make payments for the rest of my natural life.
9. I am healthy enough to walk to the kitchen and wash my dishes, even though I really don't want to.
10. I have a job.
*Note* It took twice as long to think of blessings as it did complaints.
Have you counted your blessings lately?
Monday, September 19, 2011
Where's the Delete key?
I have a fabulous memory. Not for useful information, like where I parked the car or stuff I need to get done for work tomorrow. No, I remember small, useless, completely inane bits of data, and it's starting to drive me bonkers.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to attend a board meeting for my agency in another town. The meeting doesn't bother me, though I will be representing my agency and all that goes with my oh-so-important-sounding title. What bothers me is the fact that last year I did the same thing, and I remember EVERY LITTLE DETAIL about that day. Down to what I wore. No joke, I do this all the time.
It was unseasonably warm that day, so I wore black Capri's and sandals. The meeting was at lunch, so after the meeting I went through McD's drive through- McChicken value meal, Lemonade. I went to the office we have in that county, ate lunch, reviewed files, and left from there to meet the Ex in his hometown.
Now the weird thing is I cannot tell you what he was wearing, but I can tell you what he ate that night. Chicken and noodles. I did too. But I had a salad and green beans, he had potato soup and corn. Starch city!
There's a country song that says something along the line of who needs pictures when you've got a memory like mine. So true. And these aren't even memories I want to keep. I really need a delete key in my brain, to rub out all the hurt, all the minutia that clogs up the working portion of my mind.
My mom thinks I need to go on a game show. Maybe I could win a few bucks on Jeopardy, but only if the categories are "Middle names of the New Kids on the Block" or "What you wore for Christmas 1984."
Tomorrow I'm supposed to attend a board meeting for my agency in another town. The meeting doesn't bother me, though I will be representing my agency and all that goes with my oh-so-important-sounding title. What bothers me is the fact that last year I did the same thing, and I remember EVERY LITTLE DETAIL about that day. Down to what I wore. No joke, I do this all the time.
It was unseasonably warm that day, so I wore black Capri's and sandals. The meeting was at lunch, so after the meeting I went through McD's drive through- McChicken value meal, Lemonade. I went to the office we have in that county, ate lunch, reviewed files, and left from there to meet the Ex in his hometown.
Now the weird thing is I cannot tell you what he was wearing, but I can tell you what he ate that night. Chicken and noodles. I did too. But I had a salad and green beans, he had potato soup and corn. Starch city!
There's a country song that says something along the line of who needs pictures when you've got a memory like mine. So true. And these aren't even memories I want to keep. I really need a delete key in my brain, to rub out all the hurt, all the minutia that clogs up the working portion of my mind.
My mom thinks I need to go on a game show. Maybe I could win a few bucks on Jeopardy, but only if the categories are "Middle names of the New Kids on the Block" or "What you wore for Christmas 1984."
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I Left My Heart in Haiti
Today the mission team that went to Haiti in July gave our presentation to the church. Getting to talk about our experiences and seeing the photos was such a great reminder of what we experienced, and brought back a lot of emotions that I have already managed to shove into the back of my heart and brain.
So I'm not exactly what you would call a "kid friendly" person. In fact, kids scare me to death. I don't know what to do with them, say to them, how to react to what they say and do, etc. This was the second year in a row that the mission work I got to do involved Vacation Bible School. Do ya think God is trying to tell me something? I didn't think that was what we were going to be doing this year, in fact, they told us we would be doing maintenance type work. Fine with me. But when we got there, guess what! VBS. Yippee.
So how ya think ol' Huff handled 200 kids who didn't even speak English? We quickly learned you don't need words to communicate. The first day we were there we were told to remain aloof, not to grab and hold kids, to let them concentrate on the Bible lesson, and no pictures. While some had a problem with this, I completely understood. We were distraction enough just being white and obviously American.
After that first day, when they figured out we were there to help and not to judge, and we figured out that a combination of sign language and mime worked wonders, we felt much more at ease.
We also had wonderful translators, who understood that we were unfamiliar with the culture as well as the language. They let us know when we said or did something that might not fly with their culture, such as painting the boys' fingernails!
Last year in Trinidad I found that even though I'm not a kid person, most kids don't seem to care, they just love unconditionally anyway. This was my experience again this year. I'm not sure why, but while I hesitate (or flat out refuse) to work with children in the U.S., I have no problem with it in other countries. Maybe it's because I know I probably won't see them again. Maybe it's because I'm in an environment of love and peace, where guards are let down and everyone is working for a common good. Maybe it's because there's no one to point and laugh when a kid comes up to me a hugs me! And maybe it's because these children have so little by way of material possessions that I try to love them a little bit more than these X-Box brats back home!
When I was in Haiti in 2009 I came home with a strong feeling that I could be a missionary in Haiti. That lasted about a week until I really got to thinking about the little bit I had to actually do while I was there. I had my meals prepared for me, my laundry washed for me, and I sure didn't have to drive down those crazy roads. This time I went with more intention to see how the missionaries live, how tired they are all the time from working from sun up to sun down, and let me tell you, there is no Wal-Mart to get your groceries!
I had a good experience both trips. The little inconveniences did not bother me. I was not expecting the Hilton. As long as I have a toilet and a bed, I'm good. I didn't like all of the food, but a little fasting sure wouldn't hurt me! I would definitely go back again and again. It really is like an addiction. It's that mountain-top experience with God that I want everyday, and while away from all the "conveniences" and distractions I seem to be more in tune with Him and with myself.
I wouldn't recommend everyone go on a short-term mission trip to Haiti. If you're going to complain the whole time, you're not going to get anything out of it. Yes it's hot. Yes the electricity goes out a lot. And yes, it is dirty, smelly and generally behind in technology. But the people are so genuine, so friendly, so caring for their family and friends. It breaks my heart everytime I go there, and more so everytime I leave. A bit of my heart will always be in Haiti and with Haiti.
So how ya think ol' Huff handled 200 kids who didn't even speak English? We quickly learned you don't need words to communicate. The first day we were there we were told to remain aloof, not to grab and hold kids, to let them concentrate on the Bible lesson, and no pictures. While some had a problem with this, I completely understood. We were distraction enough just being white and obviously American.
After that first day, when they figured out we were there to help and not to judge, and we figured out that a combination of sign language and mime worked wonders, we felt much more at ease.
We also had wonderful translators, who understood that we were unfamiliar with the culture as well as the language. They let us know when we said or did something that might not fly with their culture, such as painting the boys' fingernails!
Last year in Trinidad I found that even though I'm not a kid person, most kids don't seem to care, they just love unconditionally anyway. This was my experience again this year. I'm not sure why, but while I hesitate (or flat out refuse) to work with children in the U.S., I have no problem with it in other countries. Maybe it's because I know I probably won't see them again. Maybe it's because I'm in an environment of love and peace, where guards are let down and everyone is working for a common good. Maybe it's because there's no one to point and laugh when a kid comes up to me a hugs me! And maybe it's because these children have so little by way of material possessions that I try to love them a little bit more than these X-Box brats back home!
When I was in Haiti in 2009 I came home with a strong feeling that I could be a missionary in Haiti. That lasted about a week until I really got to thinking about the little bit I had to actually do while I was there. I had my meals prepared for me, my laundry washed for me, and I sure didn't have to drive down those crazy roads. This time I went with more intention to see how the missionaries live, how tired they are all the time from working from sun up to sun down, and let me tell you, there is no Wal-Mart to get your groceries!
I had a good experience both trips. The little inconveniences did not bother me. I was not expecting the Hilton. As long as I have a toilet and a bed, I'm good. I didn't like all of the food, but a little fasting sure wouldn't hurt me! I would definitely go back again and again. It really is like an addiction. It's that mountain-top experience with God that I want everyday, and while away from all the "conveniences" and distractions I seem to be more in tune with Him and with myself.
I wouldn't recommend everyone go on a short-term mission trip to Haiti. If you're going to complain the whole time, you're not going to get anything out of it. Yes it's hot. Yes the electricity goes out a lot. And yes, it is dirty, smelly and generally behind in technology. But the people are so genuine, so friendly, so caring for their family and friends. It breaks my heart everytime I go there, and more so everytime I leave. A bit of my heart will always be in Haiti and with Haiti.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Letter to Single Ladies
Dear Ladies,
Without being partonizing, placating or using warm-and-fuzzy words am I going to tell you that I know how you feel. But I do, I really do know how you feel. I feel it too.
I know how the sight of happy couples make you want to either cry or run the couple over with the nearest car.
I know the yearning for a strong pair of arms to hold you and tell you it's going to be ok.
I know the desire for someone to fix all the crap that's going wrong with your car, your house, and your life.
I know how nice it would be to not have three jobs and know that another paycheck was helping to pay the bills.
I know how wonderful it would be for someone to take over the lawn work, taking out the trash, and hanging shelves.
I know you often need another set of hands to help with difficult chores.
I know how hard it is to cook for one, so you opt for a hot pocket instead.
I know how you feel when another lady gets flowers and you don't.
I know how it feels to go to church, be surrounded by couples and families, and you are alone.
I know how scary it is when you hear someting in the middle of the night, grab your phone and a baseball bat, and pray you don't need either one.
I know that in moments of desperation you think that Mr. Right Now is acceptable, but that he's really not what you want or need.
I know that you think God forgot about you, that He is ignoring the desires of your heart and that His plan for you involves a convent.
But ladies, please listen for a moment. No matter what they say, Something is NOT better than Nothing.
Don't sell yourself short just to say you've got a man. If he's not treating you like a Queen, respecting your body and your mind, and being the spiritual leader of your relationship, he's not worth it.
Don't jump from one relationship to another. Get to know you first. Spend some time alone with you. What do you want? What do you enjoy? What are your dreams? If you can't answer those questions, don't get into a relationship. Don't allow him to answer them for you, or assume his wants, pleasures and dreams are good enough for you too.
It's tough being a single lady in this world. But you know what, it sure beats getting saddled with a jerk, a lazy man, or an abusive man. And if he's not what you want now, don't think you can change him. You can't love the alcoholism out of him. You can't motivate the laziness out of him. And above all, you can NEVER compete with his mother. So don't even try.
It's okay to be single. You're not a loser. You're not an outcast. You're just you, and that's perfectly fine. If you find someone, great! Just make sure he's worth it. But if you don't, then paint every wall in your house pink and wear a tiara! Because you can. That's one of the many perks of being single!
Sincerely,
Huffalina
Without being partonizing, placating or using warm-and-fuzzy words am I going to tell you that I know how you feel. But I do, I really do know how you feel. I feel it too.
I know how the sight of happy couples make you want to either cry or run the couple over with the nearest car.
I know the yearning for a strong pair of arms to hold you and tell you it's going to be ok.
I know the desire for someone to fix all the crap that's going wrong with your car, your house, and your life.
I know how nice it would be to not have three jobs and know that another paycheck was helping to pay the bills.
I know how wonderful it would be for someone to take over the lawn work, taking out the trash, and hanging shelves.
I know you often need another set of hands to help with difficult chores.
I know how hard it is to cook for one, so you opt for a hot pocket instead.
I know how you feel when another lady gets flowers and you don't.
I know how it feels to go to church, be surrounded by couples and families, and you are alone.
I know how scary it is when you hear someting in the middle of the night, grab your phone and a baseball bat, and pray you don't need either one.
I know that in moments of desperation you think that Mr. Right Now is acceptable, but that he's really not what you want or need.
I know that you think God forgot about you, that He is ignoring the desires of your heart and that His plan for you involves a convent.
But ladies, please listen for a moment. No matter what they say, Something is NOT better than Nothing.
Don't sell yourself short just to say you've got a man. If he's not treating you like a Queen, respecting your body and your mind, and being the spiritual leader of your relationship, he's not worth it.
Don't jump from one relationship to another. Get to know you first. Spend some time alone with you. What do you want? What do you enjoy? What are your dreams? If you can't answer those questions, don't get into a relationship. Don't allow him to answer them for you, or assume his wants, pleasures and dreams are good enough for you too.
It's tough being a single lady in this world. But you know what, it sure beats getting saddled with a jerk, a lazy man, or an abusive man. And if he's not what you want now, don't think you can change him. You can't love the alcoholism out of him. You can't motivate the laziness out of him. And above all, you can NEVER compete with his mother. So don't even try.
It's okay to be single. You're not a loser. You're not an outcast. You're just you, and that's perfectly fine. If you find someone, great! Just make sure he's worth it. But if you don't, then paint every wall in your house pink and wear a tiara! Because you can. That's one of the many perks of being single!
Sincerely,
Huffalina
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Cliches
Stop and smell the roses. You only live once. Carpe Diem.
As 9/11 is commemorated today, I avoided media as much as I could. Not that I don't remember (how could I not?) or that I don't care (I do). I guess I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it all. Like I'm not sure how I feel about roadside crosses, or people why have "In Memory" stickers on the back window of their cars. I get the point, but there is something about it that also feels tacky, or at least irreverent.
Facebook was a flood of "what were you doing when you heard" updates. Now, here's where the not caring comes in. I know where I was, but I don't really care were YOU were. That's why I left mine off today, because no one cares. A few mature ladies (I'd hate to call them older) were talking at lunch today about how they also remember where they were when they learned JFK was shot. Well, I certainly don't remember that since my mother was only 12 when that occurred!
In my lifetime the only other national happening that seemed to affect everyone was when the Challenger space shuttle exploded. I was in 1st grade that year. I won't tell you where I was, because I know you don't care. (Recess)
But getting back to cliches... Times such as this, as do most natural disasters, wars, or anything that shakes you to the core, causes you to re-evaluate your priorities, tell those you love that you love them a little more often, and maybe even literally, stop and smell the roses. All the things we forget about or take for granted suddenly become important again.
Tonight I spent a full minute just taking in the full moon. Then I watched a plane blink its way all across the sky. I said a little prayer for the people in that plane, just in case they were nervous about flying today. Anytime is your time to smell the figurative roses, sip that wine slowly, and linger over a great work of art or music.
By all means, do your job, mow your yard, and get the house clean. But remember, these are not the big things in life. These are the necessary things. Be sure to leave ample room in your hectic schedule to spend time with God, with your loved ones, and with your furry friends!
And maybe zoom over to youtube and catch a tear jerker. I've listed a few below. (grab a hanky!)
"Live Like You Were dying" by Tim McGraw, "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack, and "My List" by Toby Keith. (Strange, I really don't listen to Country that often!)
This is "One Life to Love" by 33 Miles
As 9/11 is commemorated today, I avoided media as much as I could. Not that I don't remember (how could I not?) or that I don't care (I do). I guess I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it all. Like I'm not sure how I feel about roadside crosses, or people why have "In Memory" stickers on the back window of their cars. I get the point, but there is something about it that also feels tacky, or at least irreverent.
Facebook was a flood of "what were you doing when you heard" updates. Now, here's where the not caring comes in. I know where I was, but I don't really care were YOU were. That's why I left mine off today, because no one cares. A few mature ladies (I'd hate to call them older) were talking at lunch today about how they also remember where they were when they learned JFK was shot. Well, I certainly don't remember that since my mother was only 12 when that occurred!
In my lifetime the only other national happening that seemed to affect everyone was when the Challenger space shuttle exploded. I was in 1st grade that year. I won't tell you where I was, because I know you don't care. (Recess)
But getting back to cliches... Times such as this, as do most natural disasters, wars, or anything that shakes you to the core, causes you to re-evaluate your priorities, tell those you love that you love them a little more often, and maybe even literally, stop and smell the roses. All the things we forget about or take for granted suddenly become important again.
Tonight I spent a full minute just taking in the full moon. Then I watched a plane blink its way all across the sky. I said a little prayer for the people in that plane, just in case they were nervous about flying today. Anytime is your time to smell the figurative roses, sip that wine slowly, and linger over a great work of art or music.
By all means, do your job, mow your yard, and get the house clean. But remember, these are not the big things in life. These are the necessary things. Be sure to leave ample room in your hectic schedule to spend time with God, with your loved ones, and with your furry friends!
And maybe zoom over to youtube and catch a tear jerker. I've listed a few below. (grab a hanky!)
"Live Like You Were dying" by Tim McGraw, "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack, and "My List" by Toby Keith. (Strange, I really don't listen to Country that often!)
This is "One Life to Love" by 33 Miles
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Wisdom
Wisdom is the application of knowledge, in my humble opinion. It is better to be wise than knowledgeable. You can know a heck of a lot of facts, but unless you actually use them, they are useless.
Case in point, my clients. We staff ask them about every 2 months about their goals, what they want to achieve in their mental health recovery, their daily living skills, their relationship and communication skills. Invariably they suggest we work on something that we just covered. I have spent the last 3 months teaching them about self esteem. We've read about it, talked about it, role played, constructed plans with small, achievable goals that will help to boost their self esteem. Yet when another staff asked what they want to learn about, they say self esteem.
I can't count the number of budgeting classes they have attended. I finally gave them the bottom line last week and informed them that by simply attending budgeting class, money was not going to jump into their wallets. You must practice what you learn. Apply the knowledge we give you, use the tools we supply, and NOT buy stupid crap! (Yes, I actually said that.)
Same goes for nutrition class. I can preach about that one, as a personal expert on nutrition facts myself, I choose not to apply the knowledge I have learned by reading and trying just about every diet and eating plan on the planet. No matter how many diet books I own (a lot) and exercise videos I have gathering dust (poor Richard Simmons, we never spend time together anymore) I will not lose an ounce unless I apply that knowledge or use those tools.
Another part of wisdom is learning from experience. I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Tuesday morning as I spilled hot tea all over my kitchen counter and floor, I spontaneously learned some awesome Irish step-dancing moves, and learned NOT to fix hot tea when I'm not completely awake. I will not make that mistake again.
A friend and I were discussing the sacrifice requirements of the Israelites in the Old Testament earlier this week. We agreed that we are thankful we live under grace, because I'm just not sure if the words flying through my mind as I was dodging hot tea would have been a pigeon, dove, or maybe even a lamb's worth of sin!
Case in point, my clients. We staff ask them about every 2 months about their goals, what they want to achieve in their mental health recovery, their daily living skills, their relationship and communication skills. Invariably they suggest we work on something that we just covered. I have spent the last 3 months teaching them about self esteem. We've read about it, talked about it, role played, constructed plans with small, achievable goals that will help to boost their self esteem. Yet when another staff asked what they want to learn about, they say self esteem.
I can't count the number of budgeting classes they have attended. I finally gave them the bottom line last week and informed them that by simply attending budgeting class, money was not going to jump into their wallets. You must practice what you learn. Apply the knowledge we give you, use the tools we supply, and NOT buy stupid crap! (Yes, I actually said that.)
Same goes for nutrition class. I can preach about that one, as a personal expert on nutrition facts myself, I choose not to apply the knowledge I have learned by reading and trying just about every diet and eating plan on the planet. No matter how many diet books I own (a lot) and exercise videos I have gathering dust (poor Richard Simmons, we never spend time together anymore) I will not lose an ounce unless I apply that knowledge or use those tools.
Another part of wisdom is learning from experience. I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Tuesday morning as I spilled hot tea all over my kitchen counter and floor, I spontaneously learned some awesome Irish step-dancing moves, and learned NOT to fix hot tea when I'm not completely awake. I will not make that mistake again.
A friend and I were discussing the sacrifice requirements of the Israelites in the Old Testament earlier this week. We agreed that we are thankful we live under grace, because I'm just not sure if the words flying through my mind as I was dodging hot tea would have been a pigeon, dove, or maybe even a lamb's worth of sin!
Monday, September 05, 2011
The Fat Girl Guidebook: Edition 1
I often have thoughts, call it a persecution complex if you like, that the world is against fat people. Fat women in particular. Below are some observations I have made over the past few weeks that support my theory.
1. Fashion
Every woman knows that few women actually fit into Small, Medium and Large. So to help us out, they invented Extra Small and Extra Large. They (and I'm talking "fashion designers" here) decided that we're too dumb to pick out a size, so they created One Size Fits All. In recent years this size has changed to One Size Fits Most. Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm not "normal"!
Ok, now let's talk Plus Size. Now I'm not one to get into political correctness here, but Plus what? Plus a few pounds? Plus a few chins? Plus a few rolls in the middle? I guess it's better than Fat size, Obese size, or as I call it, Tent size.
Sometimes I wonder if the people who make Plus Size fashion (and I use that term loosely) have ever seen a large woman. It is NOT as simple as taking a cute piece of clothing from the smaller sizes and making it bigger. There are special considerations here, folks. No horizontal stripes. No poofy anything. No short skirts. (I'll get into the feminine sexual revolution at another time.)
There have been advances made in Plus Size clothing in the past 10 years, namely for the teen-young adult who finds herself in XXL territory. Welcome the Junior Plus section! YAY! Let me tell you how glad I am that someone figured out that 15-year-olds don't want to be wearing leaf or nautical print to school. And thank you for naming it something cool (ish.) When I was around 10, JCPenney had a cataolg called Big Kids. Yes. Yes they did.
2. Chairs with Arms
Why? Why does my chair need arms? If I'm at a restaurant, do I need to rest my arms? Heck no! They're busy transporting my food. Let me see a raise of hands if you've ever sat in a chair with arms, then stood up, taking the chair with you! Come on, be honest!
3. Public restrooms with toilets that stick out from the wall
Oh man, these suckers freak me out! I'm SO scared that I'm going to break one right off the wall. And it can be done, I know a lady who did. I've sat on one and heard it creak. Nope, you just can't relax after that. I've patented a way to hover over those stupid toilets that not only gets the job done, but gives me an awesome quad and tricep workout at the same time. I'm considering compiling a list of establishments with wall hung toilets. Curse you Kohl's!
Coming soon in Edition 2:
Airplane seats, turn stiles, and toilet stalls so small you have to stand over the toilet to shut the door.
1. Fashion
Every woman knows that few women actually fit into Small, Medium and Large. So to help us out, they invented Extra Small and Extra Large. They (and I'm talking "fashion designers" here) decided that we're too dumb to pick out a size, so they created One Size Fits All. In recent years this size has changed to One Size Fits Most. Thank you so much for reminding me that I'm not "normal"!
Ok, now let's talk Plus Size. Now I'm not one to get into political correctness here, but Plus what? Plus a few pounds? Plus a few chins? Plus a few rolls in the middle? I guess it's better than Fat size, Obese size, or as I call it, Tent size.
Sometimes I wonder if the people who make Plus Size fashion (and I use that term loosely) have ever seen a large woman. It is NOT as simple as taking a cute piece of clothing from the smaller sizes and making it bigger. There are special considerations here, folks. No horizontal stripes. No poofy anything. No short skirts. (I'll get into the feminine sexual revolution at another time.)
There have been advances made in Plus Size clothing in the past 10 years, namely for the teen-young adult who finds herself in XXL territory. Welcome the Junior Plus section! YAY! Let me tell you how glad I am that someone figured out that 15-year-olds don't want to be wearing leaf or nautical print to school. And thank you for naming it something cool (ish.) When I was around 10, JCPenney had a cataolg called Big Kids. Yes. Yes they did.
2. Chairs with Arms
Why? Why does my chair need arms? If I'm at a restaurant, do I need to rest my arms? Heck no! They're busy transporting my food. Let me see a raise of hands if you've ever sat in a chair with arms, then stood up, taking the chair with you! Come on, be honest!
3. Public restrooms with toilets that stick out from the wall
Oh man, these suckers freak me out! I'm SO scared that I'm going to break one right off the wall. And it can be done, I know a lady who did. I've sat on one and heard it creak. Nope, you just can't relax after that. I've patented a way to hover over those stupid toilets that not only gets the job done, but gives me an awesome quad and tricep workout at the same time. I'm considering compiling a list of establishments with wall hung toilets. Curse you Kohl's!
Coming soon in Edition 2:
Airplane seats, turn stiles, and toilet stalls so small you have to stand over the toilet to shut the door.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
2011 Reading List *updated*
Every year I have a goal to read 50 books. I stole this idea from a friend back in 2007. Today, in a rare cleaning/pitching frenzy, I found my 2007 list. I only read 37 books that year.
2008: 50
2009: 46 (but some of those were, like, major works of literature!)
2010: 30. I blame the ex for that dismal performance. He'd rather watch tv than read. Troglodyte!
2011: 26 thus far. I don't think I'll reach 50, but I'll sure beat last year!
Here is my list for this year thus far:
1. Poppy Done to Death, Charlaine Harris
2 . The Book Borrower, Alice Mattison
3. Let the Rocks Cry Out, Rachel Picazo
4. Man’s Living Religions, Wayne Ham
5. The Night They Raided Minsky’s, Rowland Barber
6. Cemetery Dance, Preston & Child
7. Homicide and Old Lace, Dolores Johnson
8. Buttons and Foes, Dolores Johnson
9. Funerals Are Fatal, Agatha Christie
10. The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Erving Goffman
11. Robinson Crusoe, Daniel Defoe
12. The Insanity File, Mark E. Neely, Jr., R. Gerald McMurty
13. Things Left Unsaid, Stephanie Hemphill
14. The Inferno, Dante
15. The Madness of Mary Lincoln, Jason Emerson
16. A Red State of Mind, Nancy French
17. It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It, Robert Fulghum
18. The Shining, Stephen King
19. Fearless Fourteen, Janet Evanovich
20. Finger Lickin’ Fifteen, Janet Evanovich
21. Sizzling Sixteen, Janet Evanovich
22. Smoking Seventeen, Janet Evanovich
23. Food: The Good Girl’s Drug, Sunny Sea Gold
24. Mrs. Jeffries Pinches the Post, Emily Brightwell
25. Murder Can Stunt Your Growth, Selma Eichler
26. The Flight of the Falcon, Daphne du Maurier
27. The Hundred Secret Senses, Amy Tan
28. Bitter is the New Black, Jen Lancaster
29. Absalom, Absalom!, William Faulkner
30. Such a Pretty Fat, Jen Lancaster
31. The Secret Adversary, Agatha Christie
32. Pretty in Plaid, Jen Lancaster
33. My Fair Lazy, Jen Lancaster
34. Comentary on the Gospel of Luke, Norval Geldenhuys
35. Grace for the Moment, Max Lucado
I try to read a variety of books, from murder mystery (my favorite!) to cultural, religious, educational, and historical non-fiction. I have about 500 books in my house, maybe 200 that I haven't read yet. It's so exciting to finish a book, then get to decide where I want to go, where I want to travel next!
Have you picked up a good book lately? (Or a Kindle, a Nook, an eReader, etc.)
2008: 50
2009: 46 (but some of those were, like, major works of literature!)
2010: 30. I blame the ex for that dismal performance. He'd rather watch tv than read. Troglodyte!
2011: 26 thus far. I don't think I'll reach 50, but I'll sure beat last year!
Here is my list for this year thus far:
1. Poppy Done to Death, Charlaine Harris
2 . The Book Borrower, Alice Mattison
3. Let the Rocks Cry Out, Rachel Picazo
4. Man’s Living Religions, Wayne Ham
5. The Night They Raided Minsky’s, Rowland Barber
6. Cemetery Dance, Preston & Child
7. Homicide and Old Lace, Dolores Johnson
8. Buttons and Foes, Dolores Johnson
9. Funerals Are Fatal, Agatha Christie
10. The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Erving Goffman
11. Robinson Crusoe, Daniel Defoe
12. The Insanity File, Mark E. Neely, Jr., R. Gerald McMurty
13. Things Left Unsaid, Stephanie Hemphill
14. The Inferno, Dante
15. The Madness of Mary Lincoln, Jason Emerson
16. A Red State of Mind, Nancy French
17. It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It, Robert Fulghum
18. The Shining, Stephen King
19. Fearless Fourteen, Janet Evanovich
20. Finger Lickin’ Fifteen, Janet Evanovich
21. Sizzling Sixteen, Janet Evanovich
22. Smoking Seventeen, Janet Evanovich
23. Food: The Good Girl’s Drug, Sunny Sea Gold
24. Mrs. Jeffries Pinches the Post, Emily Brightwell
25. Murder Can Stunt Your Growth, Selma Eichler
26. The Flight of the Falcon, Daphne du Maurier
27. The Hundred Secret Senses, Amy Tan
28. Bitter is the New Black, Jen Lancaster
29. Absalom, Absalom!, William Faulkner
30. Such a Pretty Fat, Jen Lancaster
31. The Secret Adversary, Agatha Christie
32. Pretty in Plaid, Jen Lancaster
33. My Fair Lazy, Jen Lancaster
34. Comentary on the Gospel of Luke, Norval Geldenhuys
35. Grace for the Moment, Max Lucado
I try to read a variety of books, from murder mystery (my favorite!) to cultural, religious, educational, and historical non-fiction. I have about 500 books in my house, maybe 200 that I haven't read yet. It's so exciting to finish a book, then get to decide where I want to go, where I want to travel next!
Have you picked up a good book lately? (Or a Kindle, a Nook, an eReader, etc.)
Friday, September 02, 2011
Contentment
Content. A feeling I strive for, something that I momentarily grasp, but not a state I live in for long.
Why is it I think what someone else has is so much better than what I have? Well Huff, most of the time it is! My house, my car, my talents, my body, my intelligence...I could go on for hours, and cite specific examples of someone I know that has bigger, better, newer, slimmer...whatever.
I lead groups at work on self-esteem (yeah, irony at it's finest!) and tell my clients to be happy with what they have. But how the heck do you do that? How do I see a Jaguar and not feel cheap in my Caliber? How do I visit a friend in their brand new house that still looks and smells like a brand new house and not feel like a loser to return to my cracker-box? How do I attend church every Sunday, seeing all my peers with their spouse and children and not feel like a reject for going alone?
Last Sunday I was the only never-married single person in my class. (We all know that divorced-single is a whole different class than never-married. They have kids, the ex, baggage...I just have contempt and bitterness.) Anyway, I had not felt that alone in a long, long time. Maybe since college. I could have just cried. This is why I sporadically quit attending Sunday school, then feel guilty and return.
I know what you're thinking. Hey Huff, at least you have a car, a house, and even though you don't have a boyfriend or husband, kids, all that crap, you still have people who care about you. Yes, I know. But that's the struggle with being content. It's never enough.
This is my new almost-end-of-the-year resolution. Feel the envy, then let it go. Don't deny the envy, it's there, but deal with it and move on. Who knows, maybe what they have isn't so great after all, and maybe someone wants what I have.
Why is it I think what someone else has is so much better than what I have? Well Huff, most of the time it is! My house, my car, my talents, my body, my intelligence...I could go on for hours, and cite specific examples of someone I know that has bigger, better, newer, slimmer...whatever.
I lead groups at work on self-esteem (yeah, irony at it's finest!) and tell my clients to be happy with what they have. But how the heck do you do that? How do I see a Jaguar and not feel cheap in my Caliber? How do I visit a friend in their brand new house that still looks and smells like a brand new house and not feel like a loser to return to my cracker-box? How do I attend church every Sunday, seeing all my peers with their spouse and children and not feel like a reject for going alone?
Last Sunday I was the only never-married single person in my class. (We all know that divorced-single is a whole different class than never-married. They have kids, the ex, baggage...I just have contempt and bitterness.) Anyway, I had not felt that alone in a long, long time. Maybe since college. I could have just cried. This is why I sporadically quit attending Sunday school, then feel guilty and return.
I know what you're thinking. Hey Huff, at least you have a car, a house, and even though you don't have a boyfriend or husband, kids, all that crap, you still have people who care about you. Yes, I know. But that's the struggle with being content. It's never enough.
This is my new almost-end-of-the-year resolution. Feel the envy, then let it go. Don't deny the envy, it's there, but deal with it and move on. Who knows, maybe what they have isn't so great after all, and maybe someone wants what I have.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Not Impressed
Today, as I was travelling to a training, I passed through the hometown of my former fiance. I suppose I can call him that, since we were engaged for 2 whole weeks! I also had the great privilege of passing my former-future-father-in-law, or at least his vehicle (didn't notice who was driving, just saw the license plate.) While cruising through this town I had to pass the ex's law firm, which is prominently placed on the main drag. I usually stick out my tongue as I pass, but this time I didn't even turn my head that direction. He is dead to me. Kinda.
I have forgiven him for being an idiot. After all, who would reject ME? I have also forgiven him for being afraid to work on our relationship, since his biggest fears in life were to have a bad marriage or get a divorce. Now I'm sure that being an attorney he has seen plenty of messy divorces, bitter custody battles, and has a healthy fear of going down that road himself. But come on! To dump someone because we had an argument (or a whole weekend full of them, I'll admit) is a bit extreme. At least I think so. My biggest fears are drowning or having a disease so rare, they have to name it after me!
I suppose we never really had a chance at success. I was never adequately impressed with his material possessions (hated that darn Corvette!) and he has never had to struggle to make ends meet. We had completely opposite views of happiness, wealth, and what is charity. I continue to shop the clearance racks while he continues to get a new car and truck every year.
I am "over him" in the sense that there is absolutely nothing in this world that he can say or do that will make me love or even trust him again. I guess I'm not "over him" that I do think about him every day, sometimes good memories, sometimes in anger, sometimes because I still have gifts in my house that he gave me, and I'm too cheap to throw them out and buy my own! (Hey, that's a really nice space heater in the closet!)
Because of him I'm not impressed by wealth, or the desire to achieve wealth. People who have money worry about money, talk about money, complain that they have to pay money and complain that they're not getting enough money in return. They want more money and worry about keeping the money they already have. I always thought I'd want to marry a wealthy man, but now I see that there are a lot of strings attached: prenuptual agreements, keeping up appearances, and keeping up with those who have more money than you. It's just not worth it in my book.
On a recent mission trip to Haiti I met people who have very little by means of money, housing, clothing, or even food. Yet they were happy. They were joyful. They love their family, they love their friends, and they love their Jesus. They wanted to share with us what little they had, knowing that back home, we have much more than they.
That, my friends, did impress me.
And I do want that. Very much.
I have forgiven him for being an idiot. After all, who would reject ME? I have also forgiven him for being afraid to work on our relationship, since his biggest fears in life were to have a bad marriage or get a divorce. Now I'm sure that being an attorney he has seen plenty of messy divorces, bitter custody battles, and has a healthy fear of going down that road himself. But come on! To dump someone because we had an argument (or a whole weekend full of them, I'll admit) is a bit extreme. At least I think so. My biggest fears are drowning or having a disease so rare, they have to name it after me!
I suppose we never really had a chance at success. I was never adequately impressed with his material possessions (hated that darn Corvette!) and he has never had to struggle to make ends meet. We had completely opposite views of happiness, wealth, and what is charity. I continue to shop the clearance racks while he continues to get a new car and truck every year.
I am "over him" in the sense that there is absolutely nothing in this world that he can say or do that will make me love or even trust him again. I guess I'm not "over him" that I do think about him every day, sometimes good memories, sometimes in anger, sometimes because I still have gifts in my house that he gave me, and I'm too cheap to throw them out and buy my own! (Hey, that's a really nice space heater in the closet!)
Because of him I'm not impressed by wealth, or the desire to achieve wealth. People who have money worry about money, talk about money, complain that they have to pay money and complain that they're not getting enough money in return. They want more money and worry about keeping the money they already have. I always thought I'd want to marry a wealthy man, but now I see that there are a lot of strings attached: prenuptual agreements, keeping up appearances, and keeping up with those who have more money than you. It's just not worth it in my book.
On a recent mission trip to Haiti I met people who have very little by means of money, housing, clothing, or even food. Yet they were happy. They were joyful. They love their family, they love their friends, and they love their Jesus. They wanted to share with us what little they had, knowing that back home, we have much more than they.
That, my friends, did impress me.
And I do want that. Very much.
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