The Redneck and The Nerd

So he listens to Country and I listen to Classical.

So he reads Outdoor Living and I read Agatha Christie.

So he tinkers with tractors and I tinker with the human psyche.

So he drinks Mt. Dew and I drink Trinidadian Coconut Coffee.

So he has never seen a Mel Brooks movie and I can quote them word for word.

So he shoots deer for fun and I cried like a little girl when I accidentally ran over a cat.

So he's never heard of NPR and my weekend isn't complete without "A Prairie Home Companion."

Does that mean we're too different?

From Attorney to Pig Farmer

I know you're not supposed to compare people. You're especially not supposed to compare yourself to others. But the most important may be to not compare the person you're currently dating to your ex. But how can you not? How can you not think, if only once and a while, "Well ________ never did that, said that, wore that, ate that."  What may be even scarier in when the current dude and the ex dude have similarities. Enter Twilight Zone music...doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo...

Similarities between The Ex and Set-up Dude (Hereafter known as John Deere.)
The Ex lived next door to his parents, so does John Deere.
The Ex played saxophone in elementary school, so did John Deere.
The Ex drives a Ford F-150, so does John Deere.
Both were involved in Future Farmers of America in High School.
Both attended Southern Illinois University, majoring in Agriculture.
Both waited until Date #3 to hold my hand. (awwwwwww)

Creepy, huh?

Now for the differences (obviously not all of them, that would take days to list. )
John Deere eats veggies. So far I've seen him eat broccoli and salad. The Ex never ate anything green.
John Deere opens the door for me. Every door, every time. The Ex only opened the door to his Vette, because I couldn't get the stupid thing to recognize my hand and pop open the door.
John Deere listens when I speak. And remembers. He asked me Saturday about something I said a month ago.
John Deere drinks sweet tea. The Ex didn't like tea. Freak.
John Deere doesn't start every sentence with "Mom said", "I was telling Mom", or "You gotta laugh." Nor does he end every sentence with "so..." That drove me nuts!
John Deere doesn't like ketchup. The Ex smothered all meat and potato matter with it.
John Deere reads his Bible. The Ex didn't even know where his was. (At his parent's house. Duh.)

I really am trying not to compare them They are two totally different men, thank goodness! I'm just trying to enjoy this season in my life, no expectations, no time limits, no games.

Let's just see where this goes.

Miffed

Oh, how quickly I go to the dark side. So my set-up dude did not call me tonight. Not that he said he would, just that he has for the past 3 weeks. I immediately replace disappointment for anger and assume he's not interested and is taking the weenie way out and just not speaking to me. Guys seem to get out of potential relationships in this manner these days. No one has a pair of cojones anymore. Sad.

I try not to be Huffy, to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's busy...well, it rained all day, so it's not like he was out in the fields. He lost my number...unless he also lost his phone, totally unacceptable. He's waiting for me to call...for a (previously assumed) gentleman who has opened every door for me every time, I don't think he's expecting a ballsy broad to ask him out.

I know me and I know the extent my ire can extend. If he does happen to call me tomorrow or whenever, I'm not sure if I'll be all sunlight and rainbows and pretend it's all fine, or rip him a new one. I would hope I wouldn't tie into him, as he has no way of knowing how I feel or what I'm thinking. Though he should.

I told you I was bad at this.

Inconceivable!

Movie Quote Quiz: "Let me speak. No, there is too much. Let me sum up."

That's what I intend to do.

Coupons are wonderful! I now get two Sunday papers delivered to my home, I check at least 3 websites for printable coupons, have "stacked" coupons, and am getting ready to price match at Wal-Mart. I am not stocking up like the folks from Extreme Couponing do, but I do have a nice little stash of shampoo, body wash, deodorant, and enough soup to last me all winter. I have yet to join a Coupon Club in real life or on the internet. I find my couponing to be a personal journey.

I have had two dates with my set-up dude. Last Saturday was much more comfortable than that dreaded first date. And he used a coupon with dinner! I was so impressed! He's totally not my type, if I really even have one, but sometimes that's the best match, someone different I would have never noticed in the first place.

I have bitten the proverbial bullet and made an appointment to speak with the coordinator of a local graduate school. Yes, I'm going back to college. Yikes! Masters in Counseling. I have to get my Master's. My job depends on it. Actually, I was supposed to have a Master's about 7 years ago, but my boss was kind enough to let me slide. Now the State is changing all the rules and requiring a Master's degree and licensing for just about everything I do. It will take me a few years, but this is the first step.

Even though nothing super-positive has happened, I feel good. Rare for The Huff. I guess I'm finally learning what I've been teaching my clients for years now: you can choose to be happy. I'm not delaying my happiness for when I lose 50 pounds, when I get out of debt, when I get a boyfriend. I choose to be happy now, overweight, in debt and single. It's ok.

Today I had to do orientation with two new hires at work. They were a little cold at first, but by the time I got done, they were both laughing. I walked out of that room thinking, I'm awesome! I had to talk about boring and off-putting topics (HIV/TB risk, abuse and neglect reporting, yay!) but managed to throw some humor in there. I'm just glad there are people in the world who get my sense of humor.

Last weekend my Mom, Aunt and I saw Don Williams in concert. I listened to his music on LP's and 8-track as a child. I've always enjoyed his deep, smooth voice. One song in particular has stuck with me this week. I've hummed it everyday as I drive to work. Take a listen below!

Dating Blunders

Dating. Yeah, I heard that collective groan from here! Let me share a few gems from my extensive (minimal) dating experiences.

OK, now for those of you who know me, you'll know that I did not date AT ALL in high school, like every other normal person on Earth. Nor College. Yes, I was the fat, shy nerd, the Unholy Trifecta of Loserdom! I was 28 when a guy finally grew a pair and asked me out.

Back when I was 23 (huh? Just read.) I met a guy over the Internet, back when the Internet was a relatively safe place and certain personals sites were free, or at least free if you knew how to get the guy's user name by saving his pic and then using the free instant messenger part... not that I ever did that. He lived in a nearby town, and we were never anything but friends. It may have been because of our first meeting.

On the way to meet him I promised myself I'd be safe, I'd be smart and I would NOT get into a car with him. So after we meet, shake hands and I jump into his Mustang (hey, it was a Mustang!) we go to another town for supper. The place was packed, so we had to sit near the bar. Loud is an understatement. So we ate not speaking, because there wasn't any way we could yell over the din. After dinner came the obligatory movie. I insisted on paying (independent much?) and he goes on into the theatre. I get to the door and the lights have already gone out. I can't find him! I wait for a second, hoping my eyes will adjust quickly, but no dice. I grope my way about 4 rows down and sit in the first seat I come to. Luckily, he's there, but 2 seats over. Now here's a dilemma: do I stay seated, or move? After pondering this question through the previews, I decide to hold firm. Later I'm glad of this decision, as we saw Lilo and Stitch, and I cried through the entire movie. Shut up, it's SAD!

We remained friends for a few years, then he met another chick online, she moved from Oregon, and they're now happily (I hope) married with a little girl.

Then there was my Redneck guy who blew cigarette smoke in my face after dinner. Never heard from him again. And the dude who said I had an anger issue. Screw him and the horse he rode in on! A hem, then there was Don, whom I met on eHarmony. He seemed like a great guy, until he emailed me a week before we met, and armed with his last name ran a background check on him, and found he had just gotten a divorce 2 weeks before we were matched online. Yikes! One meal at Applebees, and no phone call since. Not that I'm waiting. Jerk.

Then there was the Ex. Within the first 5 minutes I called him both Weird and Strange. (When I'm nervous my brain and tongue often lose communication.) That was shortly after hopping into his Corvette (yes, apparently I have a thing for guys with nice cars) and heading to a local Winery for dinner. I was trying to make a joke about not getting into cars with strange men, but said weird instead. Trying to correct myself just made things worse. But obviously this was not a deal breaker as dude did go on to ask me to marry him in later months. Then take it back. (enter expletive here)

Recently I had another first date. Again nerves were on overload, but other than interrogating the poor guy (just talk, darn you!) I don't recall doing anything overly stupid. I didn't call him names, sat right next to him in the movie theatre, and didn't spill anything on my white shirt. The only awkard moment was saying goodbye. It's not as easy as the movies portray. Are you supposed to kiss him goodnight on the first date? Just on the cheek? Shake his hand? Jump out of the truck and lock the door behind you? I don't know.

Do you have any dating advice? What are your horror stories? Do share!

And he called again...

Yes, I have a date. Or as I call it, a "meeting." Date implies romantic intent.

Part of me is doing the happy dance, uh huh, it's my birthday!

The other part of me is thinking "Oh crap, here we go again."

I'm not good at dating. I'm not flirty, nor am I a sparkling conversationalist. I live by my favorite line in Ever After: Don't speak unless you can improve upon the silence.

But since we're going for a "bite to eat" as he put it, I could also live by my second favorite line from that movie: "I'm only here for the food."

Dry Toes

A few weeks ago a church member mentioned to me that she had given my phone number to a young man she knows. Yeah, here we go. She had mentioned him to me a while back, like a week after the Ex dumped me, and I asked her to give me time. I guess the time has come.

This possibility of a stranger calling me has upset the delicate balance that I call safe. I have had blind dates in the past, two to be exact, and never heard from the guy again. Both times it was a good thing, but it hurts a gal's ego nonetheless.

Huff being Huff I did a little cyber-sleuthing and found this dude is divorced. Strike one. Why? I'm not sure. I have an Ex, he has an Ex, what's the difference? Well, I didn't live with mine, nor did I take his name. We had a few future plans, but nothing so substantial as a joint bank account or choosing baby names. (Ok, maybe I did, but that's another story.)  There's a different level of hurt involved also.

Another strike is my assumed lack of common interests. I'm guessing this guy is into hunting, fishing, 4-wheeler riding, Country music and the whole Redneck bit. I'm not. Again, assuming, and we all know what happens when one assumes...

Strike three? I don't know yet. I'll come up with one, give me time. I'm a master at the Reject-Before-You-Can-Be-Rejected defense mechanism. I could always rely on my old stand-by "he doesn't like fat chicks" excuse. There! No reason for him to call!

Now I know what you're thinking, didn't you say it was a few weeks ago, and he still hasn't called you? Why are you spazzing? Well, this matchmaker told me he had hurt himself at work, had surgery and wanted to be healed before he called. So he is considerate. Point for him. And he has a job. Another point.

This anxiety has also brought up a lot of memories of the Ex, like the first time we met, and pointers to myself of what to do/say, don't do/say. I never had to worry about NOT talking about the Ex before, since I'd never HAD an Ex before. Geez, throw in some lettuce in the teeth and I'm ready to make a great first impression!

I'll keep you, dear readers, informed. I'll need some pointers if I ever do decide to dip my toe into the dating pool. Just remember, I can't swim!