I'm not sure from where I stole this, but it's cute and worth repeating.
5 Rules to Remember in Life:
1. Money can't buy you happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they are in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve problems but neither does milk.
I hope that clears up a few problems in your life.
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