As promised I will again take up the cause of the Fat Girl and educate those of you who aren't, and commiserate with those of you who are.
1. Turnstiles.
Honestly people, now that there is laser technology, do you really need a narrow gate with oddly placed bars to count admission? Even small people sometimes have to go through these sideways. And guys, tough luck on that one!
2. Toilet Stalls
I know someone who just reads this blog without knowing me thinks I'm totally obsessed about toilets. As this is my third blog post to involve toilets, you may be right. But today I'm just talking about the stalls. Have you ever tried to turn around in one of those? Heaven forbid you try to take off your coat!
Usually there is a hook, placed conveniently (for thieves) at the top of the door. Sometimes there is a shelf taking up valuable room along the wall. And sometimes you just have to hold your purse on your lap, changing hands and balancing it like a Chinese acrobat. Some stalls also feature not only width constraints, but also length. I'm not that tall, so my knees should NEVER touch the back of the door.
And the door? Usually it swings in. How inconvenient! There is not sufficient room to close the door with me in the way. Thus I have to straddle the toilet to shut the door, all the while the other ladies in line look at me as if to say "What are you doing in there? Get on with it already!"
And to use the handicap stall is frowned upon unless you're actually handicapped. Or no one else is using it. Or you claim your fat as a handicap! (I may have done this once. Or twice.) I recently found two restaurants where the handicap stall had its own sink in there. It was like a deluxe suite! But when you leave the stall and don't wash your hands where everyone else is, they think you're nasty, and claiming "It has its own sink!" only gets further stares of doubt and a small step back as you pass.
(I said handicap and I'm sticking with that term. I didn't feel like typing "differently abilitied" throughout the toilet stall description. If you're offended, just don't read my blog anymore!)
3. Airplane seats. Don't get me started! All I have to say is Fat Butt= No Fit. Pain. Lots and lots of pain. And the added embarrassment of asking the flight attendant for a seat belt extender. Yeah skinny people, didn't even know they had those, huh?
4. Fat Girl Math
Serving sizes are merely suggestions. And the half serving in the container is just lumped in with the last serving. Haven't you ever had a ginormous bowl of cereal because there wasn't enough left for one more full bowl, so you just poured it all in one? Oh, and two small pieces equal one, even if the smaller pieces are approximately 75% the size of the full one. Because 6 big tater wedges and 2 small shriveled ones do NOT equal 8, as the bag specifically directs.
And those diets where you can only eat one thing per day? Like today you eat cabbage and tomorrow you eat carrots? As Lula from the Stephanie Plum novel series* would say, I love those diets! Today one bucket of chicken, tomorrow one extra-large pizza.
*Written by Janet Evanovich, movie One for the Money releases January 2012
Coming up in future editions: muffin tops, bra size, and plus size footwear
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